To achieve any dream in life, a strong why must accompany it. – Karen Bontrager
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If you need inspiration today to keep pursuing your dream, be encouraged by my Foster Friendships Friday post that features my favorite poet: the great African American writer, Langston Hughes. My intention is that when you read it, your soul will be strengthened, and you will be more determined than ever to fight for all that is in your heart. Dreams Hold fast to dreams For if dreams die Life is a broken-winged bird That cannot fly. Hold fast to dreams For when dreams go Life is a barren field Frozen with snow. Langston Hughes Relationship restoration involves making a choice to humble yourself and admit to the person you hurt the wrong. – Karen Bontrager
Do you need help in repairing those most precious relationships in your life? If so, then read this Relationships Monday Matter commentary, 5 Most Important Steps for Restoring Precious Relationships. You will be glad that you did.
Image from Life style in India website Most people know or have read about the importance of getting enough sleep. Even all the latest research indicates that a person should have at least seven to nine hours per night, depending upon his or her age. If these are scientific and time-tested facts and most people believe this, then why do so many ignore these basic truths by continuing to stay up late watching television, patrolling the internet, or doing other idle activities which rob them of needed rest? The explanation could be long and varied, or as simple as these individuals choosing the immediate now pleasures that these activities provide over going to bed when they know they should. In the same manner that individuals seek the immediate gratification of staying up late over the long term benefits of sleep, they can also decide to ignore the signs of relationship demise for superficial comfort. Basically, they refuse to admit that their relationships are unhealthy or getting there because of their overall discomfort with handling conflict. These ignored smaller problems eventually grow to be larger issues that often go unaddressed until there is unbearable hurt. If this describes the condition of your heart and you are yearning to have some awareness about what to do in your life, then it would benefit you greatly to learn the 5 Most Important Steps for Restoring Precious Relationships. By taking an honest inventory with those most important people in your life, and what those interactions are really like, then you are much closer to having the quality of relationships you long for and deserve. In understanding this; that you do indeed have choices in the restoration of your relationships, or in getting more sleep, you will be more empowered and content in the long run. 5 Most Important Steps for Restoring Precious Relationships Tips 1. Admit that there is a problem. Do not be afraid to say it out loud. By confessing to yourself that there are serious issues with those most precious relationships in your life, you are closer to discovering a solution. 2. Communicate to the person/s honestly. Being transparent with those you wronged or who have wronged you, opens up the possibilities for real engagement and honest and respectful conversation. 3. Say sorry if you have blown it. When you are deeply remorseful for how you have treated someone you claim to love, a domino effect of forgiveness and restoration is put into motion. (Parents, it takes much courage to admit to your teenage children and college-aged adults that you made a mistake/s, but your kids will respect you greatly for your humility). 4. Seek mutuality to fix the relationship. When a relationship plan is mutual, there is a much greater chance to have buy-in from all parties. 5. Extend mercy to yourself and others. It takes a lot of time and effort to restore a broken relationship, so if you are merciful to yourself and others with the process, you will be able to endure it better. Getting enough sleep and being honest about what are the quality of those most precious relationships in your life, involves choice. If you decide to be courageous and take the first step by doing a relationship inventory, then you are closer to having restored and loving ones now, and in the future. When egregious events happen to us, it takes courage to stand up and fight. – Karen Bontrager
If you are currently in a situation where you are facing an injustice which requires you to be courageous, read this Foster Friendships Friday commentary, Stand up and Fight. It will encourage you to do something about what you have experienced. Life is not fair. This is a well-known statement that gets quoted when injustices in general occur to people we know or to us personally. It is something we just have to deal with right, or wrong? Despite this reality, that indeed there are times when we are treated unfairly we must write it off as a loss or a lesson learned about what to do or not, however, there are also events that happen that require action on our part. In others words, they are just too egregious to not do something about, so we need to Stand Up And Fight; to let our voices be heard in a way that makes a difference. By choosing to be merciful instead of playing the right game all of the time, you make space for a thing called understanding. – Karen Bontrager
If you have difficulty with always being right, this Relationships Matter Monday commentary, Play to Understand, Instead of Being Right, may make you play the game of life a bit differently.
Image from East Brooklyn Website There is a childhood game that even adults like to play called Match. For descriptive purposes, it has a plastic blue board with various flags from the different countries around the globe that players flip over to find the corresponding mate. When a person guesses successfully, they score points, and keep taking turns, but when a mistake is made it gets handed off to the next one. In the end, there is clearly a winner and a loser. Similarly in life, a person makes the personal choice to beat his opponent (AKA be right all of the time) or to choose to extend mercy to the one in the wrong. The decision is always up to the individual. How do you normally play/respond? Are you quick to rub the error in the person’s face, or do you want to know the reasoning behind his or her motivation and decision making process? If your answer is leaning closer to the negative side of life, try this on. What if you could play to understand instead of being right? With this merciful perspective, you are withholding deserved judgment for understanding, which the recipient may truly appreciate. And when you do, the person in the wrong and you both get to be on the winning team. Play to Understand Instead of Being Right Tips 1. Instead of being right all of the time, choose to entertain this idea of mercy. By being merciful to someone who deserves correction or punishment for their wrongs, you are being kind. 2. Notice the air of superiority you feel when an individual makes a mistake. Play with the idea of being aware of what is there without any judgment. 3. Seek to understand the person first. Instead of accusing, ask them why they made certain choices. You may be surprised that this extension of kindness makes way for compassion. (Parents, it is very helpful to be understanding when dealing with impulsive teens and college-aged kids). 4. Extend the same mercy to others you want to be given to you. Remember the times that others could have ‘let you have’ it but didn’t, and the impact their actions had upon your life. As in games and in other aspects of life, you want to win, and there is a natural tendency to always want to be right. However, if you reserve that judgment for mercy, you help the other person be a winner, as well as you, which makes this game, called life, much more enjoyable. If you ministered kindness today, this Relationships Matter Monday poem, “You Said a Kind Word to Me Today,” is dedicated to you. Realize that your kind act may have very well changed the course of a person’s day, week, or even life.
Photo from Topix and Tales website Your kindness is like a small ripple in a pool of water; it starts in one place and moves out in larger concentric circles which cannot be contained. – Karen Bontrager You Said a Kind Word to Me Today You said a kind word to me today You taught me something in the way that you pray You held my heart; a word you did not say You listen to my ramble intently with no sigh or dismay You help me to dream to dance and to play You love me so unconditionally no words can parlay You said a kind word to me today The New Kid on the Block
Have you ever felt out of place; like you truly do not belong? If so, you are not alone. All of us at one time or another has felt insecure by being in a completely different environment and place in which we are not accustomed to living. Consequently, when we see others who are brand new to our school, neighborhood, and work place, it would be good to remember how it feels to be the new kid on the block, and to extend a warm welcome to them, so that they will not feel so alone. The article: “Fish in Water” by my great friend/fellow coach, David Kravitz will help you to remember that not everyone thinks like you, and to be sensitive to different peoples’ perspectives. Fish in Water by David Kravitz There is an old cliche which says that a fish doesn't know he is in water. He is born there, and he spends every moment of his life there. Unless a fish is ever taken out of water, he does not know anything different. Perhaps if fish are able to communicate with each other, one who has been outside of water can tell others about it, but that feels like something which needs to be experienced. We all have things like this ourselves. Our upbringing and our lives give us a unique perspective on the world. There are things and beliefs which we may have never seen. Two people not only may have completely different viewpoints about something, but they may not even realize that it is something that can be a viewpoint. For example I heard an interesting story this week on the radio, a persons family member was arrested for a bad crime, and told the family member that they are guilty. They were doing everything they could to help because to them family is everything. The radio host instead said something to the effect of "this person is a criminal who knowingly did something awful, by helping them you are endorsing this behavior." The caller had no idea that saying "no" to help was even an option, their context did not even acknowledge it as a possibility. Many minutes of conversation happened and they still did not even comprehend the possibility of saying "no" to the family member, while the radio host could not believe they would even consider helping. Whatever the situation, truly try to understand the other person. Instead of getting upset at someone instantly, think about speaking to them about it first to find out what is behind their viewpoint. They may be a fish in water about something and not even realize another way exists. Remember what it feels like to be the new kid on the block. Your kindness may make all the difference in the world to that person. |